Once in a while, I get an epiphany.
The last of such occurred in 2013, when I decided on a course of action that allowed me to follow my heart’s call. That call came in the form of someone who is now a consistent presence, and a close companion in my daily life: Leah Winters. It was very much a culmination of overwhelming feelings of joy, love, desire, passion, and all that is wonderful in life.
But reaching farther into the past, I recall the summer, prior to my final year of undergraduate studies, at a particularly low point in my life, when for no discernible reason, I received an enlightening realization of the future that lay ahead of me. The same realization led me to the subsequent decisions I made in the wake of the feelings I reciprocated with Leah, along with my family, and myself in the years that followed.
And so, now, when I look in the mirror, I see not my reflection, but more of a window in time, portraying the varying facets of my identity that I have embraced, shunned, and some that I have yet to confront.
A year from now, I will complete my Masters degree. Where then? How do I find a place for myself in this world?
I have always dreamed of being at the forefront of something that may be greater than myself. I have dreamed of being a pioneer, and an innovator. I have always had a deep wish to help others around me, and this world. Yet, I struggled to understand how I could achieve any such thing, when at first I truly couldn’t comprehend how to help myself.
It was at this point when I ultimately realized something new. Couldn’t it be possible that I may achieve all the same by in fact pursuing those same dreams, despite my own inner conflicts? That the answers I seek are not hidden, but rather await my own inner resolve to move forward?
And because of this, I can’t help but laugh at what a wonderful day it has been, and what a wonderful life I have had.
It is filled with its fair share of misgivings, but beckons in a grand adventure that I am to experience. It is quite similar to a perpetual game of hide, and seek, but one that could only be initiated if I had the courage to step forward, even as I am blind, to what awaits me in this life.
The passing of time seems quite dramatic amidst the company of such thoughts. It is frightening, and yet somehow comforting. I find it beautiful that life is filled with such sweet dichotomies…
And so, I now say to my reflection, “Take a step forward, not in doubt of what you expect to achieve in your life, but in anticipation of what you may not, and strive to make what may not necessarily be possible now, a reality, so that one day, you can look back, in satisfaction, not at window in time, but rather perpetual ripples in space, left in your wake, among the lives of those who you have influenced, the hearts of those you have touched, and the dreams of those you have inspired, and realize a life that is complete not by your singular individuality, but by those whose lives are complete, because of yours…”
Our Last Summer 